nova

good old nova 106.9.. usually gets me through the days when im lazing around at home and today is no different. Radio's on and my blinds are open so i can bring the good weather into my room.

Today ive decided i need to apply for my passport.. ive put it off for too long. I am however dreading the horrible passport photo that is involved. No one ever seems to look good.

I really have nothing to say..
oh apart from ive decided im opening up too much so thats going to stop.

calm before the storm...

that is supposed to wipe out south east queensland seems to be a little less severe than expected.

Commitment means something different to everyone and people go about it in their own ways. I'm still afraid after all this time of what will happen if i let down my guard and let in someone new.

I consider myself to be fairly complicated when it comes to my emotions. I struggle expressing emotions and affection and i feel this is because of the guard that i place infront of outsiders and friends. I am often perceived as unaffectionate because i dont hug my friends on a regular basis. I see hugging someone to be a personal thing, something you would do with a partner not with a friend. I hope no one takes too much offence when i knock down a hug. Cuddling on the other hand i would never knock down. However i would be worried if laura or katie wanted to cuddle with me...

I am hesitant to let the people around me get to know the "real" me in case i fail to meet their expectations.

I want to like this boy but im scared of that too.

To put it bluntly the weather is still shit. In fact its worse than before and maybe ill wake up without a roof or something.

Inspirational?

Just something i wrote to someone once upton a time...

"hey and all that jazz..
firstly id like to inform you that you ALWAYS underestimate yourself and your abilities to achieve.
There is no reason you cant get an A in maths B, beccome a famous photographer or fly to the moon even. You just need to apply yourself to your dreams.

Noone succeeds unless they believe in themselves, its not pure luck its persistance.

I dont agree with your "about me". I am yet to meet someone who doesnt think you're the coolest kid on the block, cooler than me even (yeah i didnt know it was possible either). Stop dwelling on the negatives and write a list of the positives. If you look at the list and it doesnt satisfy you, work on this. Make this your goal and stick to it.

You're capable of anything. The world is your oyster.

I think this is the smartest thing i have writen all year, maybe i havent lost it.
Love you."

apple juice & raisen toast

So yesterday i had a really good day. I finished all my errands. Went for long walks which had no purpose or meaning, which gave us time to think, gossip & complain of course. Watching the ants attempting to carry away a paddlepop stick while sitting in the gutter - classy. Visiting katie and getting to see her babies (sea monkeys) then organising a camping trip. Coming home and watching TV with mum. Then finally going to bed early again, im getting addicted to "having a good nights sleep".

One thing in particular is still on my mind...

I'm scared of commitment. And i hope that i dont let another good one slip away because of it.


Today will be a good day too. I'm ending this on a positive note as this is a positive blog. Blogs are often too sad.
& if anyone was wondering, the title has no relevance to the blog.

a clean slate

i usually find that my life is a mess when my room is a mess. Thankfully my kind mother took the time to clean it for me as she was sick of nagging me about it.

So now that its clean im hoping that miraculously my life will fall into place.. wishful thiking huh?

sigh.
there s no word for my current emotion.

overtime

Im curious how some arent afraid to let someone in, how some dont have the fear of getting hurt. I'm lonely but i dont want anybodys company.

A friend cut and paste some text from somewhere? & for some reason after reading it i feel scared:

I believe -
. . . that just because two people argue, it doesn't
mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't
mean they do.

I believe -
. . . that we don't have to change friends if we
understand that friends change.

I believe -
. . . that no matter how good a friend is, they're
going to hurt you every once in a while and you must
forgive them for that.

I believe -
. . . that we are responsible for what we do, no
matter how we feel

I believe -
. . . that sometimes the people you expect to kick you
when you're down, will be the ones to help you get
back up.

I believe -
. . . that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right
to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be
cruel.

I believe -
. . . that even when you think you have no more to
give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find
the strength to help.

I believe -
. . . that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by
others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive
yourself.

I have no idea why im scared.
But i do know im finding it hard to forgive her.

I wish i had his opinion.

I dont believe you

Writing down and talking about my feelings/thoughts never came easily until i learned to trust. Now that trust has been broken i find myself lost for words. Who do i turn to?

Scared.