Deja Vu

I'm so happy, but am i turning into the person i dont want to be?
I'm worried that I'll make him my everything and push everyone else away. Not a minute goes by when i'm not with him that i wish he was by my side.

He's more than my boyfriend, he's my best friend. I didn't want that to happen.


I'm so happy but i dont know if this is what i want anymore.

another weekend

I had a good weekend. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAYLEY. I hope you enjoyed yourself even if you didn't make it out because you're the new spew bitch haha :)

I'm still lost lonely and confused. I have no idea where i stand with you anymore.
I missed your smile, laugh and company too...

I need another nap.

Inspired by Lily Allen

It's not me it's you.....

Doesn't feel that long ago when i was saying it's not you it's me every second weekend. I couldn't make up my mind about what i wanted but lets face it, i didnt have to. I had someone chasing after me no matter what i did, what more could i have asked for? I was afraid of getting hurt again even though i was the one doing all of the hurting. I took what i had for granted and as per usual, didn't know how much i had until it was gone.

I have happy days and i have sad days. Sometimes i'll be sitting around and i'll just burst into tears. Other times i'll hear a song on the radio and i'll just smile at the memories it brings me. Life's a bitch but you can't do anything but pick up all the pieces and make an attempt to move on and learn from your mistakes.

Three months ago i lived for weekends and drunken adventures. Now even the thought of a weekend makes me sad. I don't want to live a life without you in it. This has been the hardest week of my life.
"I miss him. I mean really really miss him. I ache inside miss him".
Who would have thought that it would have come this far or ended this way.

My top 10 most played right now:

1. Kiss me thru the phone - Soulja Boy
2. Right now - Akon
3. It's all your fault - P!NK
4. Fruit machine (dave spoon remix) - The Ting Tings
5. If you seek amy - Britney Spears
6. Whatever you like - T.I.
7. All the above - Maino feat T-Pain
8. Talk like that - The Presets
   
9. Who'd have known - Lily Allen
10. Gifted (the ashton shuffle remix) - N.A.S.A. feat Kanye West, Lykee Li, Santogold

"I think women end up wiser and stronger when love ends".

IMY

Crash and Burn

by Savage Garden is a good song.

I was suprised that the message didnt' shatter me. I'm stronger than i thought. I can do this :)

PRESETS WERE AMAZING!

I HATE WINTER

It's the most depressing time of the year.

I miss him so much. I didn't think i would feel the way im feeling about somebody again but i am and it fucking sucks. Every song suddenly has meaning, I can't turn on the radio or even walk into a shop without hearing Kelly Clarkson. I can't help but listen to whatever you like on repeat when im listening to cd's in my car. Everymorning i wake up and check my phone, just incase... But nothing. And everytime i'm on the computer guess who's facebook i check. I can't even just lay in bed because then all i can think about is how much i want him to be laying there with me. I haven't had a good nights sleep (apart from saturday night when i passed out from being overly intoxicated) in 2 weeks. Last night i stayed back at work for 3 HOURS just because i didn't want to drive home alone, go to bed alone and then wake up alone.

We get so close and it feels so good - to him too. And then he gets scared or something and cuts all contact off again.

I got myself into this mess. This is all my fault. But i can't help but feel this way.
I don't want to let go.

History is horrible

Last night i went on a spontaneous mission with Gareth and James to the regency cinemas in the city after our messy monday afternoon. I had been desperately wanting to see "The boy in the striped pajamas" for quite some time however james wasn't as keen. Soon enough i had him on my side and gareth bought us tickets.

IT IS THE BEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN. I am rarely brought to tears over movies but this one did it for me. It was seriously the most brilliant and true reflection of history i have ever seen. Very realistic and upsetting. I thoroughly enjoyed it and it opened my eyes (even more so) to parts of world war II.

Go and see the boy in the srtiped pajamas!

ranting

I hate that you still think you're better than me, that i should feel privileged when you talk to me. For once why can't you actually want to be my friend and care about the things i have to say. It's been like this for so long and i thought things would change over time, that you would grow up. But you haven't, you're still the boy who thought it would be a joke to break my heart.. repeatedly.

You don't know it and you haven't intentionally done anything wrong but I'm just so angry at you. WHY DO I EVEN CARE?

get over it alicia.